Getting Older .... Cutting the Strings is so Hard

My son is getting older and it is so frustrating because I am having a hard time with the distance he's putting between us.  I am beginning to understand how obsolete technology must feel.  I know he doesn't mean to be mean but it still hurts just the same when he tells me he doesn't need me anymore. 

I look at him and see a young man where a boy used to be.  I wonder where all the time went and why I didn't hang on to every second of every moment with him.  I was distracted at times by work, friends, TV, books, and the internet while he was growing up.  I remember his baby years better than the last 5 years, his primary school years where friends grew more important than mom.  I long for those wonderful years when I was the only person in his world.

Then I think about all the wonderful conversations we've had over the last year and all the indepth thoughts he has shared with me.  Every year has brought something new something different as he grows into his own.  I want to be with him sharing every minute of his life, but that is not alright.  I need to let him go and be with friends, develop social circles of his own along with thoughts and beliefs that are his.  Soon I will have to let him go to spend time with a special girl that is not me and that I know will be hardest of all. 

Its hard not to feel less and less needed by my children.  Sometimes I wonder if they really need me around at all, should I just leave and let them be?  Sometimes I wonder if they love me anymore because they are so busy with their lives they forget me.  That is the hardest part about letting out the apron strings, realizing that just because they aren't as close doesn't mean they don't need or love me less.

I know that my children still need me, just less than they did before, and I will have to find something else to fill that hole in myself.  All those distractions that take my focus off my kids are what keep me sane and allow me to be there for them when they need me.  The trick is to be able to turn off the distraction and focus on them. 

1 comment:

Erica said...

AW... I can really sympathize with you. My son is 9 and its hard for me too. Time flies by so fast. I look at his baby pics and go through the big bin I keep of all his kindergarden art work and misc pictures of our times past and then look at what a handsome little boy he has become. Your a great momma, raising great little kids! Keep up the good work! ((hugs))


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