I am a bad mother, at least I feel like one. Every good mother at one time or another feels that choices she has made are the wrong ones, resulting in devastation for her children. Uprooting the family and transporting them to Vancouver, BC just before my son entered grade 5 is one of those times. Had we moved just one year earlier then things would have been easier for him. Grade 5 is that time when children start caring about friends, brand names, and fitting in. My son's fears about making new friends and not fitting in has made this glaringly clear, so much so I feel like I am a bad mother.
My 10 year old son, my precious baby, is very outgoing, extremely extroverted and makes friends easily. His personality is usually a magnet to other boys who constantly find themselves at our doorstep. It is not unusual for him to bring home a new friend he met at the park or just outside our door. It's his energy, his sense of humour, and his attitude that attract many different types of boys to orbit around him waiting for his attention. At times he gets overwhelmed and shuts the door for alone time to recharge his batteries from the drain of others demands. This is why I didn't worry about him when we decided to move.
This summer there was a change in him, he became worried about fitting in, what others thought about him, carrying about brand names and interests. He began to hide his magnetic personality behind a facade of a cool standoffish personality. He started to emulate what he thought "cool" boys are and then was upset when he didn't make new friends right away. He seemed to be uncomfortable in his own skin and unsure of every decision, every thought, and of his real "self". It was heart breaking to watch, I just wanted to grab him and crack this new shell into a million pieces so my happy go lucky boy would come back to me.
Every walk resulted in distance between us, especially if other kids were around as he retreated further into his new "cool" personality. I would watch him look at other kids, scared that he wouldn't measure up, afraid to approach them, and looking so stiff. It broke my heart, I wanted to gather him up in a hug and make it all go away, but of course that would have only made things worse for him. I felt him falling away from me building more and more walls that I couldn't get through, resulting in a lonley place for him - isolated behind what he thought would be "cool" behavior.
I broke through on one such occasion when we were hurrying into the school for a meeting and I didn't have the patience for his slow "cool" pace to put more distance between us. I was getting angry and had enough of his attitude but instead of freaking out on him I wanted to distance myself from him. I turned, looked at him and loudly stated, "on the way home we'll swing by the mother exchange center and you can get a new mom that your not embarrassed of but for now move it." He laughed, he actually laughed and caught up to me and said, "I don't want a new mommy, I love my mommy." I'm not sure why this worked but it did.
It has taken time but he's making friends at school, in activities, and at the local rec center. He still isn't the same boy who left Calgary, AB, but he's more himself lately. I can only hope that this experience will help him love his real "self" and he'll understand how wonderful he is and this "cool" attitude will be a thing of the past. I realize he is growing up and that part of the process is to grow away from me, that's the hardest part for me, watching my baby distance himself from me for the perceived benefit of other kids. God give me patience and help me to be there for him when he needs me and to give him space when he doesn't.
Relocating and Personality Change in my 10 Year Old Boy
Disney Trip Scrapbook Title Embellishment
I wanted to make my families Disney Vacation scrapbook unique by utilizing various disney scrapbook products with stamp supplies to create titles that stand out.
Disney stickers
Cardstock
Various alphabet stamps
Stamping Ink
Versa Mark
Embossing powder
Adhesive
Gold Pen
Scrapbook Family Vacation Title
Using Vellum, Printed 12x12 paper, 3D Stickers, Paint, and stencil to create a unique title.
Keeping our Kids Save - Can we Really Keep them Safe
With the recent discovery of Jaycee Lee Dugard I have to wonder if I can keep my kids safe from the darkness that lurks behind every corner. The frequency of discovered abducted children who are hidden away from the world for the pleasure of their captors is alarming. The reasons these children stay are hard to fathom and understand by those who do not know the details. As parents we teach, train, and educate our children, however, can we protect them from the shadows we don't understand ourselves?
Most of us are quick to judge and criticize others, always looking for the mistakes and ignoring the right choices parents make. We all gossip and when we do we rarely talk about the positive aspects of others. We want to regale the mistakes our peers make and downplay their successes. We want to rant, complain, and give advice - we don't want solutions to our problems we want to win the complaint contest, recognition, and rationalization of our fears. After all, is there any fear greater than loss?
The North American voter is plagued by fear, it effects every decision we make and what we believe to be truth. We see danger for our children everywhere we look, under every rock, around every corner and as a result we are raising a generation of fearful adults. Children no longer feel safe playing outside, what this will do in the long run is yet to be seen. I had a neighbour who saw danger in everything, she was constantly telling her girls, "danger danger." I am sure she viewed me as an unfit parent because I let my son get cuts and bruises to learn caution on his own. They moved away so I don't know if the girls see danger in every concrete stair, in every height, or every dog. I do know my son is cautious and knows his limitations without me telling him. I've always let him make choices and learn lessons from natural consequences, when not life threatening.
One lesson I don't want him learning on his own is how to stay safe from pedophiles and abductors. Instead of letting him learn safe limits through experience, I use small limitations and hypothetical situations to help him problem solve. I ask him questions about what he'd do in certain scenarios and help him come up with viable solutions. I ensure he knows which houses are safe, what numbers to call, and more importantly what his limitations are. Like every child most of his answers are fantasy and unrealistic. Its important he realize that he can't beat up an adult, he can and should try but his size makes it impossible that he'll succeed. He needs to know what to yell out, where to go, how to stay safe, and how to not be chosen as a target.
I am not naive, I know that regardless of what I do there is still a chance that he could get hurt in this dangerous world, so I pray. I pray that God would send his angels to surround my children and wrap their wings around them keeping them safe. There are lots of websites that tell parents how to keep their kids safe, all of them agree that communication is key to keeping kids safe. The worst thing a parent can fear is talking to their child about the hard topics, the uncomfortable topics, the taboo topics.
My 10 year old - A Time of Contradictions
I always was aware my time as my son's world, sun and moon was limited. As he gained more independence I experienced contradicting emotions, pride in his growing abilities and sadness that he didn't need me 24/7 anymore. The tween years have been full of conflicting emotions, one minute he's the cuddliest, loving little boy and the next he won't walk within 10 feet of me. In the morning he'll be playing with his stuffed animals, by the afternoon he's playing it cool, and by the evening he's watching a documentary on the History Channel.
10 Things about 10 year old - Great article that outlines the amazing things about a 10 year old boy.
How do Stay at Home Mom's do IT?
I'm gonna go nuts. Stay at Home mom's that are good at caring for their families needs are something to be cherished. No wonder my husband is always pissed off at me, I suck at house keeping, laundry, and cooking. I am going cabin crazy and could use an afternoon with friends.
I have a girlfriend who gave up her own aspirations, goals, and needs to care for her family. She became a different person and did a very good job as a stay at home mom for the first few years, then became quite depressed. A few years ago she decided to do something for herself and start a new career, which her husband didn't agree with. Today they are divorced and she is still trying to get her career off the ground and he continues to make it difficult for her.
I just can't seem to bring myself to do the best job of cleaning, laundry, and cooking. It's not that I don't care about my family or don't love them. I know I need to do a better job but I am so much happier when I am working outside the home. I have no problem putting in the extra effort at the office, I just can't get it together when I'm home with nothing to do but clean and cook.
Women that can work hard taking care of their family deserve so much more recognition and appreciation then they get because it isn't easy to put others first; no matter how much you love them.
90% of Canadian Money has Traces of Cocaine
It's not surprising that there is cocaine on our paper money considering it is a cash only Business. Most legal transactions today are done with cards and not cash, so the bulk of the cash has gone through some form of illegal transaction. Maybe the government should do away with legal tender all together.
Some are worried about Big Brother watching what they are spending their money on. My question to them is what are you buying that would flag you as needing to be investigated?
If there was no cash then it would be harder to launder money. Think about it - if they can't buy it with cash and then how could they clean their money? How would they have dirty money to start with? Without cash how could their buyers purchase their product? Do drug dealers take Visa?
Think about the money the government would save because it no longer needs to manufacture legal tender. For that matter the amount of trees that would be saved.
Criminals being what they are would find another way around it to sell their drugs. Addicts will find ways to buy them, even in a cashless society. However, making it harder for them to get what they want should be the goal of government. Since the drug industry is so lucrative and brings so much cash into the country, I doubt the government is in a hurry to put up another barrier to the drug trade.
I know that a virtual cash society is not realistic, we've lost the war on drugs and they are a part of our society. Knowing that 90% of our money has traces of Cocaine, (and Canadian money has more than US) is not helpful, studies that tell us how to keep our kids from choosing to try Cocaine in the first place.
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