They are Fighting over a Toy AGAIN!!!

Do your children fight over toys all the time? Maybe something else? What do you do when this happens? Do you insist that one gets the toy over the other? If you do you are in fact driving a wedge between the two and insuring that the fighting will continue. Never ever take sides, even when one is so far in the wrong its obvious. By taking sides you start a me verses them outlook and the "mom loves you more then me" attitude will start to take shape. So what should you do?

If they are fighting over something, take it away, no one gets it. If they can't get along then they need to go to seperate rooms until they can. Both of them, not just one, no time outs no inforced punishments, no taking sides. They need to sort out how to get along with each other on their own, without you running interference. You are a parent not a referee. So if one is obviously the instigator then why should both go to their rooms?

Natural consequence for fighting is to go to their rooms, doesn't matter who started it or who's fault it is. If you start assining blame you'll be playing the blame game for the next 30 or more years, who started it, who's to blame this time? All of a sudden you are no longer a parent, you are judge, jury and executioner. You are who they will come to in order to be proven right and you'll drive the wedge between them even deeper.

Its not about justice, its about learning to get along and be there for each other. When they get out into the world do you want them to constantly be demanding justice and placing blame on everyone or do you want them to be able to get along with others?

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