Jealousy Between Siblings Can Destroy their Friendship

Do you have one child who gets in trouble a bit more than the other? 

One who is more talented, cuter, more popular? 

 This is where things can get tricky. 

 This is where time together gets more important then ever. Does one perceive that the other gets more or is more loved?

 Short of keeping a journal and list to make sure that each is provided the same amount of stuff, love and attention, it can be hard to keep perceived favortism out of the picture. If your children seem to be unequal in gifts and talents, it is time for you to focus on the child who you perceive as having less. 

Time for you to put them into a variety of activities to find the one that they will shine in. 

 Time for you to look and find the diamonds that need polishing and polish them. 

It's time for you to take a look at your attitude. Yes, your attitude. 

 Do you view the interests and activities of that child as somehow not important, as lesser and not interesting to you? 

 If a child loves something that you don't why should the child find interest in that what you are interested in? As the parent is it not your responsibility to make sure that you take in interest in what they are interested in. Ok so a night at the hockey game may be more fun for you but your child may be more interested in building models. Which do you think he would find most valuable and most esteem boosting?  

Time doing something dad likes to do or doing something he likes to do? I'm not saying that time with a child has to be all about their interests and talents, but the bulk of the time should be. 

In todays world the amount of time we have for our kids is not huge, in fact it is a precious commodity. It is easier to spend time having fun with the child who's interests parallel yours, the trick is spending time with the one who is different, doing what the child likes. 

 Showing an interest in both children's interests, talents and activities will help to alleviate the preceived favortism attitude that will erode a sibling relationship. If one child's activities will take up so much more of your day to day time and resources at the expense of the other child how will this help their relationship? 

 After all sibling rivalry is the fight for you, your love, and your attention. 

 

How would you feel if your spouse came home with another wife or husband for you to play with and share with. How would you feel? It's easy to pass it off as sibling rivalry and as one child being a whiner or overly sensitive, but guess what... you are the parent and it is your job to teach them how to get a long.

2022 

My kids continued to get along throughout their lives and to this day are the best of friends. They rarely fought and we could drive for 15 hours straight without a fight. Relatives called my kids aliens. 

Here's what I did to foster a better relationship between my kids. 

If they started fighting - I'd step in and say - "Ok you can fight but you have to say I love you and hugs first... then you can fight." 

This worked well when they were really little as they would listen to me. As they got older they started to push back, but then it was the two of them against me - so they were on the same team. 

Another thing I did was to separate them if they were getting on each others nerves. They just needed a break from each other and then they'd come back together as friends. 

When they would start getting angry I would listen to them and ask, do you love your brother / sister? They'd say yes and I would explain that loving them meant accepting them for who they are and not whom they wanted them to be. It was up to them to stand up for each other against those who were hurting or harming them. 

They had their moments as teenagers when it was a bit rough. That had a lot to do with the divorce though and that is a whole other blog post. 

If you want more ideas about how to raise your kids to be friends - join me at shannonpeel.com