Sibling Love in the Latest House TV Episode

An impossible choice, one that no parent can make. The latest house episode left me in tears but showed an example of sibling love and courage. When push comes to shove do your children sacrifice for each other? My son is the giving one but he's getting to that age where he wants to be more independent, have more of his own identity without her. The result is more skirmishes, more arguments, and more tears. I yearn for the days when they were everything to each other but that was before friends. Its my job to help them learn how to communicate, accept, and love each other. Hopefully they will always remain healthy, God willing, but if not I hope there is enough love to give the gift of life.


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Why My Kids Are BFFs

Everyone that meets my kids are amazed at how close they are to each other - They really are each others best friend. I am really fortunate that they are because it has made life a lot easier, they play so well together and rarely fight. How did they get to be best friends?

Partly Luck:

My son is the oldest by 3 years less 8 days and his personality has lent a lot to this relationship. He is very easy going, doesn't need a lot of attention, and is very responsible. When his sister was born he just stepped aside, grew up and started caring for her.

My daughter is a handful but he keeps her in check and well behaved because she wants to be like him. She loves everything he loves and wants to do everything he does. The best part is he wants her to, he encourages her to, and it doesn't bother him to have her tagging along. That is to say for the most part.... He needs his personal time and time with just his friends every once in a while and it's hard for her to give it to him. When he needs his space or she is being too pushy then I step in and ensure he has what he needs.

Partly work:

Before our daughter was born I talked to my son about what the role of a big brother was. I asked him to be responsible for her, to help her, teach her and take care of her. He takes his job as a big brother very seriously.

When it became apparent that my daughter was getting the best part of the deal and taking full advantage I realized she was old enough to become responsible for her big brother. I asked her to be responsible for him, to help him, teach him and take care of him. She takes her job as a little sister very seriously.

They are responsible for each others happiness - sounds like too much? Well, its not. It's teaching them to think about someone other then themselves in a relationship. When the other one is hurt or sad the other steps up to get them to laugh or be happy. Both find it very rewarding since life is happier when your friend is happy too.

Every night right from when they were small I made it part of their bedtime routine to say "I love you" to each other. It's much easier loving someone and wanting to be friends with them when you know they love you too. It isn't good enough to assume children just know if their sibling loves them, they need to know it. By saying it they will come to love each other.

Anytime they started to fight they'd be separated and if they couldn't be they'd be made to say "I love you" and give hugs and kisses. Ever stay mad at someone who says I love you and gives you a hug? Hugs and loves puts an end to a fight faster then any time out - and with better results.

When there is a disagreement I don't solve it for them, I've helped them figure out how to resolve it themselves. They've come up with contracts to solve conflicts and role definition to create something out of nothing. ie One's the mayor the other the assistant.

It's not always roses in our house, but it is far from a war zone. They do get on each others nerves and they do need their space. My daughter is very bossy and my son's tolerance for it though high does have a limit. However, through love, communication, and responsibility for the other they work it out relatively quickly and are the best of friends again.

Why Time Outs Don't Work

Time Outs are the main form of discipline for many families. Parents use time outs to help shape their child's behavior, yet time outs don't work - here's why:

Situation:

Little Johnny hits Little Mary:

Resolution 1:

Mommy grabs little Johnny and puts him on a time out hoping he will learn that hitting results in time outs for him. She then comforts Little Mary.

But does Little Johnny learn that hitting results in time outs for him? While he's sitting on time out is he really thinking about what he did to Little Mary or how unfair it is that he's sitting on time out while Little Mary gets cuddles. Does he feel empathy or concern for Little Mary while he watches mommy take care of her or does he resent her more?

Let's think about it from a Little Johnny viewpoint. We all know children are selfish little creatures who want what they want when they want it.... right! After all that's probably why Johnny hit Mary in the first place. It isn't automatically in them to feel sorry for what they've done because it hurt someone else or to be concerned for someone else. They may be sorry for hitting but mainly because it put them on time out and they didn't want to be there.

By putting Little Johnny on time out mommy has done two things. 1. Saved Little Johnny from getting hit by Little Mary. 2. Made a victim out of Little Mary by not allowing her to stand up for herself.


Resolution 2:

Why did Little Johnny hit Little Mary? Is Johnny a mean spirited little boy that did it just to get Little Mary to cry? Most likely NO - Little Mary probably had something he wanted or did something that upset little Johnny and the only way he knew how to deal with the feeling was to hit her. Little Mary probably has learned what buttons to push to get what she wants and to get rid of Little Johnny for a little while.... Mommy will step in and save me!!!!

By putting Little Johnny on time out the mommy has done two things.... One made Little Johnny resent Little Mary and feel sorry for himself - in his mind he's the victim in all this. Two - Little Mary is being rewarded for being a victim and displaying victim behavior. She's getting cuddles for making Johnny mad and getting hit.

If mommy had talked to Little Johnny and found out why he hit her she may discover that Little Mary did something to upset him. At this point mommy could help Little Johnny figure out a different way of reacting by asking him - "Johnny what should you have done?" or "Hitting isn't the way to get what you want - What could you say or do to get what you want?" "How do you think Mary feels when you want something she's playing with?" "What could you have played with until Mary was finished playing with that toy?" Mommy can take the time to help Little Johnny through the thought process she is hoping he is doing on his own while on time out. It is not good enough to say -"Sit there and think about what you've done." They don't know how to think about it outside of themselves.

If Little Mary has indeed done something to push Little Johnny's buttons then mommy can deal directly with Little Mary to help her learn to get what she wants without being a victim. "Mary did you want Little Johnny to hit you?" "Did you want Little Johnny to get into trouble?" "Why did you say such and such or do that then?" "If you wanted the toy Little Johnny was playing with what else could you do to get it?" "How do you think Little Johnny feels when you .....?"



By taking the extra time to find out the reason behind the action and teaching them to think better conflict resolution techniques a parent can foster a closer relationship between the children. Instead of resenting Mary Little Johnny would learn how to play better with Little Mary. Instead of learning victim behavior Little Mary would learn how to stick up for herself and how to play better with Little Johnny.

Tattling ... Nothing Gets on my Nerves More than Tattle Tales

My daughter keeps trying to turn into a tattle tale and its like nails on a chalk board to me. Every time I hear, "Mom (her brother) is (doing something)," my blood boils. Thing is, when is it tattling and when is it not and how can I teach her the difference?



I don't want her telling me stuff just to get her brother in trouble but at the same time I want to make sure she tells me stuff that is important for me to know about. The difference between her brother not doing something I asked him to do and her brother doing something dangerous I need to be aware of. How can a little girl be expected to know the difference?



I ask her what her purpose in telling me something was... ya she doesn't always get what I mean but maybe if I keep repeating myself she'll get it..... Are you telling me because you want him to get into trouble or because he's gonna get hurt or break something?



Some things I need to know about regardless of whether a child will get hurt or break something. Some times tattling is OK and other times it's not.... teaching the difference is the hard part.

Sibling Halloween Costumes

Since they've both been old enough to choose their costumes they have been similar characters. This year is no different, grim reapers. No princesses or fairies in our household, well at least I don't have to worry about skimpy costumes.



Last year it was Darth Vader and a Storm Trooper. I searched everywhere for the Darth Vader helmet and thankfully a friend had one. I think this was my favorite halloween costume duo. It just worked!

Thanksgiving a Time to be Thankful

I can't believe its Thanksgiving again, every year is beginning to blur into the next. I am looking forward to today though, it going to be nice just a few family members at the family home. Usually its a whole slew of 2nd and 3rd cousins out at the cabin, which is nice too, but considering the way life has been going lately less is more. Its just nice to get away from the unpacking and disarray of our lives right now into the safety of home.

I am lucky I have a mother who loves to cook and she enjoys taking care of her family. For all the difficulties we seem to have as mother and daughter, I know that she is always there.

My children are my biggest blessing and I am so fortunate that they love each other so openly and unconditionally. My mother-in-law thinks they are too close but I think that's a good thing. They need to know that the other one will be there for them no matter what. How many siblings can say that they can count on each other?

Everyone has been blessed by God, however we spend so much time focusing on what we don't have, what others do have, and how misfortune has darkened our doorways that we can't see what is right in front of us. Our family learned the lesson of appreciation lately and how relative it is.

We sold our beautiful home to move 12 hours away to a much more expensive market. Everything we looked at, everything we put an offer on, was less than what we had and cost $ 150 000 more. We rented an old crappy duplex for the summer because it was in the same neighbourhood as the home we had an accepted offer on. When the offer fell through and we had to spend September in the old place too our family was stressed and unhappy. We tried to purchase another home in the area but with the market boiling over, every offer we submitted was rejected in favor of a competing bid. We finally found a rental that cost more but would provide us with a more perminate home until we found a house to purchase.

Everyone in the family was so thrilled to find this place, move in, and were so greatful to have found something that met our needs. Overnight the mood in our home went from depression to elation and our son finally was happy to be at the coast. Thing is, if we had moved from our house in Calgary to this home we would have been frustrated with it. We wouldn't have been grateful to be paying more to live there, we needed the experience in the dump to transition us to less for more. For that we can be grateful for the extra month there.

In Canada and the US no matter what we are going through, where we are living, or what we have we can be grateful. We live here and not in a third world country struggling to find a crumb, a morsel, a handout to survive. We have so much and yet we all feel we do not have enough. Compared to 90% of the world, we all have everything and for that we should be thankful.

Defining the roles of siblings to foster friendship

When I was pregnant with my daughter I defined my son's role as a big brother for him. As we talked about what it meant to be a big brother he made the role his and took it very seriously. As a big brother he was very concerned about her happiness and her safety.

As my daughter grew up it became very clear that she was getting the better deal so I defined her role as a little sister and made her just as responsible for her big brother as he was for her.

By defining their roles and having them participate in the discussion they took full ownership of their roles in the family. They have become very close and are good friends.

What if You Accidently Married Your Brother or Sister?

What if you accidently married your brother or sister? Is it possible to accidently fall in love, marry and have children with your brother or sister?

Free love, one night stands, and a rise in fatherless children. Hey anything can happen now adays.

Just a thought!

They Aren't Fighting but They are Driving Me Nuts

The kids are playing and being very very silly. The noise level is deafening and I'm exhausted after a long week at work so it's irritating. Sending then to another level of the house helps - I know I'm in trouble when their laughs are as irritating as their whining and bickering.

I am fortunate that they are able to get up on their own and play together keeping each other entertained until I get enough sleep. After another night of insomnia I really needed the sleep.

They were trained right from being little to amuse themselves Saturday morning, whether they grab a snack and watch Cartoons or play together. It sure has paid off.

Had So Much Fun Visiting the Kids at Mabel Lake - They'll be home in 2 weeks and I miss them already

It was a blessing to see the kids for a few days and it just doesn't seem like summer until I'm at the lake. Mabel Lake has changed a lot recently, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. My parents enjoy the 9 hole golf course and I like having a fabulous restaurant to eat at. The kids love watching the planes fly in and out and they'll make lots more friends then we did growing up.

The lake barely changed from when my grandmother was a child to when I was a teenager spending summers there. A few cabins here and there but for the most part it was a quiet lake. Now the development has brought lots more people from Calgary into the area and as a result the lake is busier and animals are disappearing. We were commenting that although there are little frogs there are no more big bull frogs and there is a marked increase in mosquito's due to the decrease in bats.

I'm glad my kids are able to spend their summers there with their grandparents. My parents are relatively young and my kids entertain themselves they are hardly a strain on them. The whole time my parents kept commenting on how quiet and good they are. They are amazed at how they take care of each other and play together so well, all the time. Ya right -- We did notice a marked increase in both of them being mean to each other and I think it's time they were separated a bit more.

Two more weeks then they will be home playing with their own friends and spending more time apart which I'm hoping will result in appreciating the time they are together more - I can hope can't I? With different schools and different after school care facilities the time they will have together will be less, much less. I want to make a conscious effort to ensure they do have quality time together throughout the week, not always easy when both parents work and both kids have activities. Thing is it is so important to me that they remain the best of friends that it will be a priority to have quality family and sibling time. I believe this has been the key all along - not too much time together but enough to ensure a close bond.

North Okanagan Real Estate

Family Gatherings - Adult Siblings Can we Just Get Along?

My brother and his partner came to visit the cabin and as usual things revert back to childhood. Why does unresolved childhood conflict rear its ugly head and is there anyway to overcome it? Do we have to always act like we are 7 years old around our parents?

Personally I have lots of unresolved issues with my brother, he's great at everything he does and has the same tastes, humour and opinions as my parents. I on the other hand do not. It pains me that we can't sit and talk to each other like friends or want to get together to hang out.

It is what it is and to force it into something else just won't happen. Is it environmental or is it genetic? Looking back through the family tree I find that my father isn't close with his sister, my grandfather didn't talk to his sisters (and one lived just behind them), my great grandfather moved across the country from his siblings. Is it genetic?

Personality has a lot to do with whether or not you will get along, my brother and I just happen to have different personalities - he has one. He loves small town living and knows what is going on in our home town where I love the city. We are both outgoing but in different ways, he is always surrounded by friends and yet has a career where he doesn't work around people. I enjoy my solitude at home yet have a career that involves meeting new people and building relationships with them on a daily basis. He's athletic and healthy, I'm not. I read, he doesn't. I like to discuss politics and philosophy he jokes about political issues and is not philosophical. I have kids, he doesn't. The list goes on and on. Although we had the same upbringing, the same environment, the same opportunities we are as different as night and day.

My brother has lots of friends for a reason he's a fun guy to be around. He is in no hurry to be a responsible husband or parent because he enjoys his outdoor recreational activities. He keeps in touch with friends he's met all over the world and is always the life of the party. He has a great career that suits him to a T and he's really great at. He has a beautiful woman to share his life with and a wonderful life in the Coastal Mountains of BC. What skiier wouldn't want to live just minutes from Whistler?

I admire him and think he's got a great life, just wish we could get past all the childhood crap and be friends.

Parenting Siblings is not Easy - Is Your Parenting Causing Sibling Rivalry?

Avoiding sibling rivalry is not easy and impossible to do but there are things parents can do to mitigate the rivalry. Life is full of stress and full of demands and when one child demands a parents time more than the other child or one child is more intelligent and understanding it can be simpler to take the easy way out.

To illustrate what I'm talking about I will use a Reba episode or group of episodes. Specifically the episodes where Kyra decides to move in with her dad because she feels like she's at the bottom of the totum pole at her moms house.

The last straw is when Kyra gets the chance to go to summer school in England because she achieved a 4.0 average in English. Reba comes up with the cash but Cheyanne needs it to go to summer school because she dropped too many courses during the year.

Reba chooses to bail out Cheyanne because she'll loose her daycare if she doesn't make up the dropped courses. She feels guilty and when Kyra is so understanding she feels let off the hook. However, Kyra actually feels like she's got the short end of the stick again and decides that there really is no place for her at her mothers house.

Has this ever happened to you? Either as a sibling or as a parent?

I have to watch what I do because my daughter is very demanding of time, attention, and stuff. My son is quieter and more internal with his feelings and his problems. He is very intelligent and understanding about life and choices that need to be made by us. He sometimes feels like his sister is more loved and favored by other members of the family - this is not true but I can see how he'd feel that way. His sister is younger, cute, helpful, loud and outgoing. He is quiet and intellectual, an adult needs to make an effort to spend one on one time with him because he'll sit back and wait. If the adult doesn't take the initiative he'll understand and internalize his feelings.

The ultimate result if I let things run their course and not make decisions to pay special attention to him - sibling rivalry. He will start to blame his sister and resent her favored status in the family. Taking an hour to sit down and talk with him and ask him questions to create a plan of action to include him is nothing. He's more important than any time I'd spend watching TV, cleaning the house, surfing the net or spending time with my nose in a book.

The consequences of our parenting decisions have further reaching effects then we understand. Choosing the easy way, the path of least resistance may create a home that is more of a war zone then a place of love.

Don't Overschedule Kids Need Time to Play Together to be Close

My children are different from each other in so many ways, but it is the time they spend together that is the most important. It is the activities that they both like that I try to ensure they get time for, watching TV and playing video games don't count. It is the quality time they spend playing together that will build a close friendship.

If you are so busy that the family doesn't get time to have fun together then its memebers will start to grow apart from each other. This year is the only year my children will be in the same school and the same schedule, it will be extra important that they spend time together.

If you over schedule your family when will your children have time to spend together. Since Last year our lives have been in constant flux and our kids haven't had many activities. They spend lots of time playing together. For this spring however, I've over scheduled - on Mondays my son has Drama, on Tuesdays Ball, on Wednesdays Piano, on Thursdays ball. Now add in my daughter's activities and it takes up Friday and Saturday.

If your kids can find activity's they like to do together then your one step ahead of the game. Not only will you save time by getting them to the same place at the same time but they will also find common ground that will bring them closer.

The Joy of Giving

My daughters birthday is tomorrow, it came fast. My son came home from school in a panic, it was April 1st and he had to get to the store to buy his sister a birthday present right away. He went to the store with his dad to get a gift came home and told her he'd gotten her something different then the actual gift and wanted to make her a card. He's more excited then she is, he's full of the joy of giving. Tomorrow will be so wonderful to share in his excitement in giving her a gift he choose and paid for with his own money. I wasn't expecting him to spend his own money, he just came and asked for the cheque he just received as an Easter gift from Grandma.

My daughter loves to give too, but not as much as she loves to shop for herself. I don't know how to instill the joy of giving into children, my son was born with it. I am hoping that if I give my daughter more opportunities to give she will be filled with the same joy of giving, only time will tell.

After all, it is better to give then to receive.

One Kid Sick another Cares for Him - Closer Ties Then Ever

My son has been sick for a couple of days and my daughter has been such a caring and wonderful sister. She would take him food, water, and freezies. She would get movies for him to watch and made get well cards to cheer him up. When she would come home from school the first thing she'd do was go and see if he needed something. She stayed with him and whenever he needed me she'd run and get me.

He is feeling better now and I over heard him tell her how wonderful she is. He let her know how much he appreciated everything she did for him and gave her hugs and kisses.

I couldn't be prouder of both of them. She was a good little nurse to him and he was an appreciative patient and communicated his appreciation to her. Their relationship is all about love and caring, I let them know how proud I am of them and how important it is to me that they are close.

Time Apart is Important to Build Close Sibling Relationships

I feel bad for my little girl and wish there were more girls around her age. She feels left out a lot because her brother has lots of kids knocking on the door wanting to play with him, but rarely does she have someone asking her to play. I don't want to make her brother take her all the time, but sometimes I do by asking him questions trying to get him into her shoes. He will usually take her along when I ask.

What I find harder to do though, is to get him to stick up for her when the neighbour boys are being mean to her. There have been times when I've told the neighbour boys if they want to play with him they have to play with her too or he has to come home. The neighbours are brothers and they love to play with my son, the problem is they want nothing to do with my daughter and she ends up crying because they are mean to her.

I then try to get my son into her shoes by asking him how he would feel and if he were her what he'd want to see happen. For the most part it is working and he will take her with him if I ask but he still has a problem sticking up for her when his friends are mean.

Being a big brother is a huge responsiblity because you have this little girl looking up at her knight in shining armour. When he refuses to act the little princesses heart is broken.

It seems any time there is conflict between them it happens as a result of other kids being in the picture. I want them to stand together as a united front against the onslaught of the world, but that is a lot to ask.

They need their own friends, their own space their own alone time to really apprecitate the time they have together. They are individuals that need to find their own strength on their own. I know this, but it is hard when my daughter comes in with tears running down her face because the kids are being mean and her big brother isn't standing up for her.

Siblings that read to Each Other Form a Strong Bond

My 8 year old son is a fantastic reader and he loves to read to his 5 year old sister before bed. He will read her a bedtime story and spend some real quality time together. He helps her learn her words and she loves this special time with her big brother.

Every night before bed we sit and read, sometimes I read a chapter from a chapter book, sometimes my son reads to his sister, sometimes my daughter will read to me. It's this time that we all bond together.

My kids have a hard time falling asleep, tonight they actually fell asleep before 9:30 that's a record. So the time we spend before bed must be quiet and relaxing. However, when my son reads to his sister it's usually full of laughter and not much resting. He will even help her read sometimes, that is really special time.

I don't have them over scheduled in lots of different activities, I value the time that they spend together at home too much to have one following the other all over the city. It's my goal to have a close family not a busy one.

Their favorite book to read together is Alligator Stew, this might explain the uncontrollable laughter.

Family Time Before Bed Playing Games and Reading Books

It was nice to have my husband home this weekend to spend time with the kids. He took our son to a custom car show one day and played xbox with our daughter the next. The best though was bedtime, every day I read to the kids before bed. On Sunday night after reading we played a game of monopoly the kids verses the parents. It was a lot of fun and the kids were so happy, much happier then they've been since he went north to work. It felt like a whole family again.

Game nights where all the family members play together is a fun way to build a close family. "Families that play together stay together" Here are a couple of our favorites:


Crainium Family Fun Game

This game needs at least 4 players to play as it is a team game. This game like the original uses lots of different traditional games to make an updated action packed game. Draw pictures, Complete challenges, guess actions and answer trivia questions. Each card is full of fun challenges that you get to work together to complete. Increases skills, motor functions and brain activities and at the same time having fun and spending time together as a family.



Monopoly

A classic that is always a lot of fun. With the huge selection of themed monopoly games you are sure to find one that will fit your families interests. Everything from t.v classics like "I Love Lucy" to today's t.v like "Sponge Bob Square Pants". Singing legends like "Elvis" to Brand legends like "Harley Davidson". The selection is as vast as any families interests. Whether your family is a Disney loving family or a sports loving family you'll find something.

Family games night is a special time your kids will look forward to because it is time with you as a family where the voice mail takes the phone calls and the tv is off. All attention is on each other, it is a special time for everyone.

Include Sibling in Baby Shower Planning and Gift Ideas

Are you planning a baby shower for a friend or relative? Looking for baby shower ideas? Is this maybe the second child for the family? If this is the second baby, include the older child in the festivities. Give him or her a special job, a surprise for the new baby. Make sure to have a gift for the older child that will include him or her in the gift receiving. Something to celebrate their special role as a new big sibling.

The older sibling could be responsible for:

Picking out a gift
Choosing the theme of the party
Picking the color scheme
Decorating
Picking out the cake


Give the child a digital camera or a one use camera to take pictures of the baby shower. See how they saw the day and then together put the pictures in an album with little notes to the baby from their older sibling.

Having the older sibling involved in the baby shower planning and festivities will bring him or her a sense of being included even if the party is about the new baby instead of them. They will have a feeling of importance and a spirit of giving.

Go Green Environmentally Friendly Baby Shower Theme

For baby shower ideas, supplies and gift ideas.

Gifts for the older sibling

Watch What You Say to Your Children

Sometimes as parents we say things that we really don't mean, sometimes out of fear, other times out of conditioning. Ever hear the saying "I sound like my mother"? Is your child overly sensitive or overly emotional? You really need to ensure that you respect their feelings, even if they are irrational. This takes time because you can't just dismiss them and say "get over it" or "your just being silly." To do so would make things worse and then they will be scared to open up.

If one child is more irrational or more sensitive then the other and you continue to dismiss them, you will start to drive the wedge in between them. HUH, this has nothing to do with them as siblings right? Wrong. A sensitive child can pick up on how you talk and treat the other and even if their assumptions are incorrect they are real to them, it becomes their reality, their truth. Perceived favoritism is just as real to them as actual favoritism.

So how do you avoid this? First by understanding that your child is sensitive and in tune to things he or she cannot understand. Second put yourself in that childs shoes by asking them questions about how they came to that conclusion. Continue asking leading questions getting them to quietly and calmly come to a different conclusion. Don't harp on them, don't belittle their feelings or try to make light of them. To a sensitive child these feelings and conclusions are real.

A sensitive child is a hard nut to crack because in most cases they will not open up to you and internalize everything. Every once in awhile they will say something a remark here or there that you will need to pick up and run with. By not critizing them and helping them to understand your side or the other child's side will go a long way.