OK I hate the whole woe is me thing but today.... I'll make an exception. A month and a half to go before the money runs out and I passed up on the one and only job offer paying real money I received because I couldn't figure out daycare.
I've reassessed my resume, I've sent out so many resumes I've lost track. I've sent out emails, I've made phone calls, I've knocked on doors, I've met with people, I've updated my online contact lists, and I've applied for advertised positions.
OK so I'm frustrated, I look at the four walls that surround me and am going cabin crazy. I want to work, I want to be home for my kids, I want time for myself, most of all I want an income better then what I have.
I know I could be starting my own business and really I should, I've got the skills and the desire, I just can't pull myself together to do it. Since I'm on EI, I really can't do it because it's one of those not allowed to do things. My employment counsellor believes I have too many marketable skills to refer me to the SEED program.... so I feel a little stuck. I can't believe I've left it at that, I should push and demand the recommendation, after all that is what a "GOOD" salesperson and entrepreneur does.... but I'm deflated, done like dinner with a screw it attitude.
I'm not sure why I'm so unmotivated, I don't want to sit here day in and day out doing nothing but cleaning and being alone. I want to do something, but I don't know..... I can't put my finger on it, maybe that's the problem.
I'm tired of fighting, trying to convince others, to sell something, to get them to see me. Who I am , my skills, my strengths, my willingness to work hard for the promise of more. I think I was sick of the being employed game way before I even wrote my resume. I am tired of having my life, my success, my future in the hands of someone else. Some days I'm just plain tired. Maybe one day things will come together and this post will be a stupid blip, an embarrassment and a joke all wrapped in one. Deep down I know I'm better than this, I know I have the abilities needed to persevere, but right now I'm ready to lie down and surrender.
Time to enjoy the sun and maybe tomorrow........
UPDATED:
Life sucks until you find out someone else's life sucks worse. I just stopped by facebook to find out a schoolmate's 3 year old son died today. I can't find a job, big deal - so what - that's nothing compared to his loss today. I feel petty and stupid - what a self centered wallowing ass I've been today. I've got my kids - they are healthy and happy - THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS!!!!!
"Woe is Me" Rant....
Changing the World One Day at a Time
I came across an interesting blog today called How I Changed the World Today. Everyday Julia does something to make a difference to a stranger in the world. Her giving is beyond anything I've ever seen or heard of. It may not be the millions that celebrities or the rich give but her giving is more valuable.
It got me thinking, what if everyone set out to do something to change the world? Even just the little things like a smile or general courtesy. What if we did something everyday to make the world a better place. There is so much that we could do, so much that we probably already do.
Here are some ideas:
1. Use manners and courtesy with everyone you meet
2. Write a note of encouragement or give a gift to someone who is struggling
3. Give to a charity, not just money but your time and talents
4. Pick up litter and garbage
5. Recycle
6. Get involved in a cause, whether political or not
7. Think of others before yourself
8. Buying Free Trade items
9. Be joyful and positive
What are some of your ideas or things you do to make the world a better place?
Life What is it Suppose to Be?
This wasn't suppose to be my life, this wasn't the plan. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom and yet, here I am at home raising my kids and caring for my family. I have no career to speak of and my identity is wrapped up in my family. It wasn't suppose to be this way, I was suppose to do something with my life, to be more than this. Yet here I am waiting.
Ever feel like life hasn't worked out for you? Like you are on the wrong path or in a rut? So many of us are not living up to our potential or not doing what we had hoped we would be. When I hear about old high school friends who are out jet setting and seeing the world, I cringe inside. I see career women dropping their kids off at activities and they look like they have their whole life so put together and I am envious.
Where do you wish life had taken you? What would you have done differently? There is so much I would have done different if I had only had the guts to do it. I would have travelled more, chosen a better career, and I would have waited longer to have my kids.
Do you sometimes wonder where all the time went? I see young mom's out shopping and think - hey that's suppose to be me. I have babies, don't I? I turn around and see my babies are growing up and I am left alone at home waiting for school to be over. My life wasn't suppose to be like this.
I have done a lot these past 10 years and I have worked, stayed home, worked from home, and now I am about to start off on another adventure in the workforce. Starting at the bottom again, at entry level in my mid 30s. I should be more by now but I'm not. I am who I am and that is going to have to be enough for now. Maybe by my mid 40s I will have everything I ever wanted out of life, and then again maybe not. I'm tired of the road I'm on though, time to make a change and take a different route, do I turn left or right?
Are you ready to make a difference in your life? Oprah always has some challenge going on to help you do just that. The latest - a 21 day challenge to detoxify the soul.
Christmas - Ready or Not it's Here
Time passes so fast, Christmas 2009 is already here. Whatever happened to the last 1o years? It seems like yesterday that the world was obsessed with the anti-climatic Y2K farce and my son was just an infant. Ten years sure past away fast.
Today I have to pack up kids, presents, clothes, and snowboards to transport to my parents place 5 hours away for a traditional Christmas celebration. I just don't feel like getting ready to go to Christmas.
I pass my time today in leisure instead of getting the work of cleaning and laundry done. It is no secret that when it comes to housework I'll put any other work in front of it as a more pressing priority. Today it is online research of current economic conditions, not a pressing task, just one of interest.
I have to push myself to do the mundane unchallenging work of the house. The kids are excited with the prospect of Christmas being just around the corner, this excitement swoops by me and does not effect me. I do not understand why. I should be filled with Christmas spirit but being stuck at home has removed all spirit. My car's starter has stopped working and stranded me at home - bored.
Christmas time - how many are filled with excitement, how many are tired from the preparation, how many are stressed from the draining of their bank accounts? Are there mothers so filled with the Christmas spirit their excitement exceeds that of their children? I know women so filled with the spirit that they are happy and vibrating with energy during this time of year. How can I be one of them?
Spending Time with the Kids - Remember What's Important in Life
My husband was fortunate enough to get some time off at work to make it to our daughter's Christmas performance and then go skating with her at her skating lesson Christmas party. My husband isn't the overly happy type, life is always bearing down on him and he sometimes gets so bogged down he forgets to stop and spend time with the kids. Recently he took the time to build snowmen and have a snowball fight with the kids and soon 15 minutes turned into the whole afternoon. It had been a long time since I'd seen him so happy and relaxed, he finally realized that life would always be there, but the kids wouldn't.
We are fortunate to live in Canada, but we don't always feel that way. When you have everything and nothing but time on your hands its so easy to look around for things to complain about. We don't appreciate the little things because the little things are common place for us. We are so focused on what we don't have, we have forgotten to appreciate what we do have. We are so obsessed with what we perceive others have, we forget that they have problems too.
We get so busy trying to maintain our lifestyle, or make our way up the social ladder we forget that what we have is most precious. Ever look at a family or a couple and think, 'wow they sure have it all figured out, life has sure been good to them.' 'Why aren't we like them? Why does life dump on us and shine so bright on others?'
Sometimes I think we should be happy and content with our lot in life. After all, we have it better then 90% of the world. My husband is employable, our kids are amazing, we are healthy, and have money in the bank just waiting to buy a house. What more could we want? Why do we allow things to pull us down into a mental rut? Can we find joy in paying bills? Can we enjoy housework? My husband can get so focused on everything that needs to be done, those things that weigh on his mind, he misses out on so much joy. Specifically, he misses out on spending fun time with the kids. Sometimes they are the only thing that can bring us joy when the tedious parts of life are getting too much.
Can we ever get off the hamster wheel? Everyday he heads out to work doing the same thing he hates to do day in and day out. Everyday I clean the house, do laundry, do stuff for the kids, and my to do list continues to grow. There is always something to do, bills always come in the mail, work is always there, kids always need to be fed. However, life is what we choose it to be, it can be the dreary drudgery of the day to day rut we find ourselves in or it can be joyous, it all depends on what we focus on. Making time with the kids a daily event will help keep us happy and remind us why we work so hard the rest of the time.
Why are Schools Catering to Parents?
What I want to know is why are schools catering to parents whims and fancies so much? It is as if the teachers and administration are so scared to rock the boat and offend a parent nothing ever gets done.
Its hard enough to be a teacher without having to keep parents happy. Instead of constantly complaining that the teacher isn't working out try working with them to find a solution to the problem instead. Concentrate on the teacher's strong traits and discuss what she/ he needs to help their weaker traits.
Not all teachers are good, some really should find something else to do, however, when a teacher is trying and struggling the last thing they need is parents judging them. Communication is the key, that and not flying off the handle over a story your child has told you. Misunderstandings are a result of not diplomatically talking about the issue and coming up with a solution together.
One of my pet peeves are people who complain and don't do anything to help change a situation. You know the type, they complain for the sake of complaining because they have nothing of value to say. It drives me nuts to listen to parents that sit around the school complaining about the teacher, the administration, the policies and have no understanding beyond their own needs and desires. Most policies are made because a parent freaks out over something and the school over compensates.
My hats go off to those that step up and work with teachers to make classrooms a better place. I have respect for those that volunteer their time to make the schools better. I admire those that show leadership and put in the extra effort to make a bad situation good.
Children see what parents do and they will model that behavior. What message and example do you want to show your kids? Do you want your children to grow up to become complainers or leaders? It is in all our power to be more understanding, patient, and compassionate. If we act in such a way then our children will become that way.
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with honesty he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live to love and be loved.
Who's More Important the Teacher or the Parent?
Tips on Avoiding Parent / Teacher Conflicts
Thanksgiving a Time to be Thankful
I can't believe its Thanksgiving again, every year is beginning to blur into the next. I am looking forward to today though, it going to be nice just a few family members at the family home. Usually its a whole slew of 2nd and 3rd cousins out at the cabin, which is nice too, but considering the way life has been going lately less is more. Its just nice to get away from the unpacking and disarray of our lives right now into the safety of home.
I am lucky I have a mother who loves to cook and she enjoys taking care of her family. For all the difficulties we seem to have as mother and daughter, I know that she is always there.
My children are my biggest blessing and I am so fortunate that they love each other so openly and unconditionally. My mother-in-law thinks they are too close but I think that's a good thing. They need to know that the other one will be there for them no matter what. How many siblings can say that they can count on each other?
Everyone has been blessed by God, however we spend so much time focusing on what we don't have, what others do have, and how misfortune has darkened our doorways that we can't see what is right in front of us. Our family learned the lesson of appreciation lately and how relative it is.
We sold our beautiful home to move 12 hours away to a much more expensive market. Everything we looked at, everything we put an offer on, was less than what we had and cost $ 150 000 more. We rented an old crappy duplex for the summer because it was in the same neighbourhood as the home we had an accepted offer on. When the offer fell through and we had to spend September in the old place too our family was stressed and unhappy. We tried to purchase another home in the area but with the market boiling over, every offer we submitted was rejected in favor of a competing bid. We finally found a rental that cost more but would provide us with a more perminate home until we found a house to purchase.
Everyone in the family was so thrilled to find this place, move in, and were so greatful to have found something that met our needs. Overnight the mood in our home went from depression to elation and our son finally was happy to be at the coast. Thing is, if we had moved from our house in Calgary to this home we would have been frustrated with it. We wouldn't have been grateful to be paying more to live there, we needed the experience in the dump to transition us to less for more. For that we can be grateful for the extra month there.
In Canada and the US no matter what we are going through, where we are living, or what we have we can be grateful. We live here and not in a third world country struggling to find a crumb, a morsel, a handout to survive. We have so much and yet we all feel we do not have enough. Compared to 90% of the world, we all have everything and for that we should be thankful.
Global Warming - Does your family Care?
The conversation started off with the weather changes we are experiencing in Canada and quickly progressed to natural global cycles. Do you believe that the world is in a natural state of warming that will change to a natural state of cooling and a second ice age? Or do you believe humans have accelerated the warming and by doing so have changed the natural global cycle of warming and cooling? Or are you like many families and just don't care either way?
For the first time since 1971 Canada has a nationwide White Christmas. Many areas are in the deep freeze that don't see below freezing all winter in Canada. Yes not all of Canada is a frozen wasteland, in fact not much of Canada never was a perpetual frozen wasteland.
Is the weather getting worse, more chaotic or has it always been the same intensity it is the increase in population and communication that has changed our perception of the weathers intensity?
Is it worth the gamble to be laissez faire about the state of the environment? Can we change the way we consume to make a difference or is it too late? Does it matter if your family recycles or not? Do you want to gamble our home on it? 
I believe it matters, if every family, every home and every business made changes to the way they consume, shop and think about the environment then the world would have a chance to heal and our children's children will have a clean home to live in.
Like the Global Images - Check them out.
The Joy of Giving
My daughters birthday is tomorrow, it came fast. My son came home from school in a panic, it was April 1st and he had to get to the store to buy his sister a birthday present right away. He went to the store with his dad to get a gift came home and told her he'd gotten her something different then the actual gift and wanted to make her a card. He's more excited then she is, he's full of the joy of giving. Tomorrow will be so wonderful to share in his excitement in giving her a gift he choose and paid for with his own money. I wasn't expecting him to spend his own money, he just came and asked for the cheque he just received as an Easter gift from Grandma.
My daughter loves to give too, but not as much as she loves to shop for herself. I don't know how to instill the joy of giving into children, my son was born with it. I am hoping that if I give my daughter more opportunities to give she will be filled with the same joy of giving, only time will tell.
After all, it is better to give then to receive.
One Kid Sick another Cares for Him - Closer Ties Then Ever
My son has been sick for a couple of days and my daughter has been such a caring and wonderful sister. She would take him food, water, and freezies. She would get movies for him to watch and made get well cards to cheer him up. When she would come home from school the first thing she'd do was go and see if he needed something. She stayed with him and whenever he needed me she'd run and get me.
He is feeling better now and I over heard him tell her how wonderful she is. He let her know how much he appreciated everything she did for him and gave her hugs and kisses.
I couldn't be prouder of both of them. She was a good little nurse to him and he was an appreciative patient and communicated his appreciation to her. Their relationship is all about love and caring, I let them know how proud I am of them and how important it is to me that they are close.
Teach Your Kids to Be Happy by Being Happy
Now if your like most people you understand that when you have children your life changes and it becomes about them instead of about you. What happens though when you become so negative or so miserable that you can't stop thinking about yourself and what you want or need? For many kids their reality is living with one or more parents that think only about themselves and the misery they think their life is.
Here's the thing, you can't change someone else, you can only change you and your attitude. That's the part that sucks because now you are faced with difficult choices, change yourself and your outlook or continue down a path of negativity.
No one can make this choice for you. What you need to do though is think about your kids and the lessons you are teaching them. Do you want your children to grow up to be miserable? Do you want them to grown up negative about the world around them, worrying about every little thing? If the answer is yes, then continue on the path you are on. If your answer is no then you have to change or find help to change.
Parents need to be healthy, emotionally, mentally, and physically in order to raise healthy children. If you are broken, your children will have a greater chance at being broken. After all, we are all the product of our upbringing, the good news is that as adults we can make a conscious decision to change our outlook.
Watch What You Say to Your Children
Sometimes as parents we say things that we really don't mean, sometimes out of fear, other times out of conditioning. Ever hear the saying "I sound like my mother"? Is your child overly sensitive or overly emotional? You really need to ensure that you respect their feelings, even if they are irrational. This takes time because you can't just dismiss them and say "get over it" or "your just being silly." To do so would make things worse and then they will be scared to open up.
If one child is more irrational or more sensitive then the other and you continue to dismiss them, you will start to drive the wedge in between them. HUH, this has nothing to do with them as siblings right? Wrong. A sensitive child can pick up on how you talk and treat the other and even if their assumptions are incorrect they are real to them, it becomes their reality, their truth. Perceived favoritism is just as real to them as actual favoritism.
So how do you avoid this? First by understanding that your child is sensitive and in tune to things he or she cannot understand. Second put yourself in that childs shoes by asking them questions about how they came to that conclusion. Continue asking leading questions getting them to quietly and calmly come to a different conclusion. Don't harp on them, don't belittle their feelings or try to make light of them. To a sensitive child these feelings and conclusions are real.
A sensitive child is a hard nut to crack because in most cases they will not open up to you and internalize everything. Every once in awhile they will say something a remark here or there that you will need to pick up and run with. By not critizing them and helping them to understand your side or the other child's side will go a long way.
Jealousy Between Siblings Can Destroy their Friendship
Do you have one child who gets in trouble a bit more than the other?
Teaching Siblings to have an Attitude of Responsibility
When I became pregnant with my daughter my son was 3 years old. We had 8 months to talk about what it meant to be a big brother and how life would be different. When my daughter came my son was instantly 'in love' with her and we created an attitude of responsibility in him. He is responsible for taking care of her. When she was a baby she couldn't be responsible for him, but as she grew we started creating an attitude of responsibility in her as well. She is responsible for taking care of him too. He watches out for her and she watches out for him.
I am almost daily asking them to watch out for each other and to help each other. Every day I ask them to tell each other they love each other and communicate their feelings as much as they can. They do it now out of habit and automatically, each one caring for the other and worrying about the others well being. If one hurts or upsets the other, immediately it is their responsibility to make them feel better. I don't send them off to their room or have them give a half assed apology. They are responsible for making the other happy again.
By now your probably thinking I'm locco and their is no way your kids will do this. I would have both of them stand in front of me and ask questions about what happened and then ask questions putting them in each others shoes, sorta speak. "How would you feel if he.... " In the end they would have to hug and say I love you. I would remind the one that made the infraction that it was their responsibility to make the other happy again, not mine. I didn't make the child cry, I wasn't the one to fix it, they needed to fix it.
I would give them choices as well, try to ask enough leading questions as possible to get to the end result. The main thing for me was to stay out of it. I didn't punish or fix, they had to do it themselves. If I stepped in as enforcer, I would be creating a wedge between them and not teaching them how to fix the relationship themselves. It takes extra effort and self control on your part, but in the end you will have a lot less headaches and a lot less work to do.
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