To start your day off so frustrated and annoyed with all the choase around me and not enough sleep is the worst way to start a day. I still have boxes to unpack and since my husband has yet to re assemble most of the furniture I have no where to put most of the stuff, including the kids clothes. After months of living in boxes my patience for disorganized choase has finally worn itself out.
The kids have a lot to do with my frustration level today, they've always been hard to get out of bed and get going in the morning and today was no different. I ended up yelling and my daughter ended up in tears. Tears work on her daddy and her brother but not on mommy when mommy has had it with her antics. After 10 minutes without a response or even a look in her direction she finally picked out clothes and got dressed while laughing and talking to her big brother. I got to say her crying to get her way bit is pissing me off to the enth degree.
If this morning is any indication of how the rest of my day is about to go I may as well go straight back to bed. Considering the rain outside that may not be such a bad idea, afterall I'm behind already what's another day!
So Far Behind I Can See My Big Butt!
Working Mom or Stay at Home Mom - Which is Better? Part 1
Today Dr. Phil pitted stay at home mom's against those who work outside the home. I've been both and if I could, I would work outside the home again - in a heart beat. I didn't get to watch much of the show, had to take the kids to their Wednesday activity. What I did see was no surprise, women who believe what they have chosen is the right choice and those that make the opposite have chosen wrong. Why is it that some feel it is their right to decide for others?
Could it be that those who are most vocal about others making the wrong choice are unsure of the choice they have made for themselves? I can't say what's the best choice for kids but I can tell you what the benefits and downfalls of being both are.
Stay at home mom's have more time to do everything they need to do, but they have to do everything. Days merge into each other and I feel that I never accomplishing anything. I always feel like I'm behind the eight ball and every time I start to get ahead I end up two steps back. Since I rarely have anywhere to be and see adults very infrequently I spend too much time in comfortable clothes and with my hair in a pony tail, taking care of me is a luxury I just don't have any money or energy for. Since I'm home my husband expects to have to do less around the house because I have the time, after all I'm home all day. My days are filled with laundry, cooking, baking, organizing, planning, and driving the kids everywhere. I feel like I don't get anything done because I'm doing so much at once and there is always a distraction or two.
Benefits of being a stay at home mom(SAHM):
1. When I'm staying home with my children, my life revolves around them and for them. I am a part of their lives, I get to share more of myself with them and they with me.
2. I have time to ensure they get to activities, although I don't always have the money to enroll them, but I do get to watch them and I'm always there when they need me.
3. I am able to cook healthy meals and bake healthy (or not so healthy) snacks in lieu of pre packaged food.
4. I have formed bonds with my kids that no one else could and I am able to make them know without a doubt that they are the most important thing in my life.
5. One of the perks is that I get to have lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles everyday, whenever I need them.
6. I have more time to meet my friends for coffee on a regular basis.
7. I have time to scrapbook my family memories and tend my garden.
The Downside:
1. I do loose touch with what is going on in the workplace and I have fallen behind in my career. It made it really hard when I went back to work to accept that there were younger people who were above me in the corporate ladder.
2. It is isolating to be home everyday, all day with my children. It can be hard to feel as though I'm contributing to society or doing something important with my life. I watch others in the news doing so much, being so much, and I am jealous.
3. Some days I feel as though I've lost my "Self" and I'm not sure who I am or what I want for myself. My days are filled with caring for others helping to define their sense of "Self."
Being a stay at home mom is hard, especially for those women who thrive in the workplace. For those who thrive taking care of their family, their home, and their children Staying home with their children is where they thrive. That is why neither option is the right choice for everyone, everyone is different, every family is different, every child is different, and every situation is different. It comes down to why the choices are made and if they are made in the best interest of the child how can anyone fault a mother for making either choice?
Thanksgiving a Time to be Thankful
I can't believe its Thanksgiving again, every year is beginning to blur into the next. I am looking forward to today though, it going to be nice just a few family members at the family home. Usually its a whole slew of 2nd and 3rd cousins out at the cabin, which is nice too, but considering the way life has been going lately less is more. Its just nice to get away from the unpacking and disarray of our lives right now into the safety of home.
I am lucky I have a mother who loves to cook and she enjoys taking care of her family. For all the difficulties we seem to have as mother and daughter, I know that she is always there.
My children are my biggest blessing and I am so fortunate that they love each other so openly and unconditionally. My mother-in-law thinks they are too close but I think that's a good thing. They need to know that the other one will be there for them no matter what. How many siblings can say that they can count on each other?
Everyone has been blessed by God, however we spend so much time focusing on what we don't have, what others do have, and how misfortune has darkened our doorways that we can't see what is right in front of us. Our family learned the lesson of appreciation lately and how relative it is.
We sold our beautiful home to move 12 hours away to a much more expensive market. Everything we looked at, everything we put an offer on, was less than what we had and cost $ 150 000 more. We rented an old crappy duplex for the summer because it was in the same neighbourhood as the home we had an accepted offer on. When the offer fell through and we had to spend September in the old place too our family was stressed and unhappy. We tried to purchase another home in the area but with the market boiling over, every offer we submitted was rejected in favor of a competing bid. We finally found a rental that cost more but would provide us with a more perminate home until we found a house to purchase.
Everyone in the family was so thrilled to find this place, move in, and were so greatful to have found something that met our needs. Overnight the mood in our home went from depression to elation and our son finally was happy to be at the coast. Thing is, if we had moved from our house in Calgary to this home we would have been frustrated with it. We wouldn't have been grateful to be paying more to live there, we needed the experience in the dump to transition us to less for more. For that we can be grateful for the extra month there.
In Canada and the US no matter what we are going through, where we are living, or what we have we can be grateful. We live here and not in a third world country struggling to find a crumb, a morsel, a handout to survive. We have so much and yet we all feel we do not have enough. Compared to 90% of the world, we all have everything and for that we should be thankful.
Relocating and Personality Change in my 10 Year Old Boy
I am a bad mother, at least I feel like one. Every good mother at one time or another feels that choices she has made are the wrong ones, resulting in devastation for her children. Uprooting the family and transporting them to Vancouver, BC just before my son entered grade 5 is one of those times. Had we moved just one year earlier then things would have been easier for him. Grade 5 is that time when children start caring about friends, brand names, and fitting in. My son's fears about making new friends and not fitting in has made this glaringly clear, so much so I feel like I am a bad mother.
My 10 year old son, my precious baby, is very outgoing, extremely extroverted and makes friends easily. His personality is usually a magnet to other boys who constantly find themselves at our doorstep. It is not unusual for him to bring home a new friend he met at the park or just outside our door. It's his energy, his sense of humour, and his attitude that attract many different types of boys to orbit around him waiting for his attention. At times he gets overwhelmed and shuts the door for alone time to recharge his batteries from the drain of others demands. This is why I didn't worry about him when we decided to move.
This summer there was a change in him, he became worried about fitting in, what others thought about him, carrying about brand names and interests. He began to hide his magnetic personality behind a facade of a cool standoffish personality. He started to emulate what he thought "cool" boys are and then was upset when he didn't make new friends right away. He seemed to be uncomfortable in his own skin and unsure of every decision, every thought, and of his real "self". It was heart breaking to watch, I just wanted to grab him and crack this new shell into a million pieces so my happy go lucky boy would come back to me.
Every walk resulted in distance between us, especially if other kids were around as he retreated further into his new "cool" personality. I would watch him look at other kids, scared that he wouldn't measure up, afraid to approach them, and looking so stiff. It broke my heart, I wanted to gather him up in a hug and make it all go away, but of course that would have only made things worse for him. I felt him falling away from me building more and more walls that I couldn't get through, resulting in a lonley place for him - isolated behind what he thought would be "cool" behavior.
I broke through on one such occasion when we were hurrying into the school for a meeting and I didn't have the patience for his slow "cool" pace to put more distance between us. I was getting angry and had enough of his attitude but instead of freaking out on him I wanted to distance myself from him. I turned, looked at him and loudly stated, "on the way home we'll swing by the mother exchange center and you can get a new mom that your not embarrassed of but for now move it." He laughed, he actually laughed and caught up to me and said, "I don't want a new mommy, I love my mommy." I'm not sure why this worked but it did.
It has taken time but he's making friends at school, in activities, and at the local rec center. He still isn't the same boy who left Calgary, AB, but he's more himself lately. I can only hope that this experience will help him love his real "self" and he'll understand how wonderful he is and this "cool" attitude will be a thing of the past. I realize he is growing up and that part of the process is to grow away from me, that's the hardest part for me, watching my baby distance himself from me for the perceived benefit of other kids. God give me patience and help me to be there for him when he needs me and to give him space when he doesn't.
Disney Trip Scrapbook Title Embellishment
I wanted to make my families Disney Vacation scrapbook unique by utilizing various disney scrapbook products with stamp supplies to create titles that stand out.
Disney stickers
Cardstock
Various alphabet stamps
Stamping Ink
Versa Mark
Embossing powder
Adhesive
Gold Pen
Scrapbook Family Vacation Title
Using Vellum, Printed 12x12 paper, 3D Stickers, Paint, and stencil to create a unique title.
Keeping our Kids Save - Can we Really Keep them Safe
With the recent discovery of Jaycee Lee Dugard I have to wonder if I can keep my kids safe from the darkness that lurks behind every corner. The frequency of discovered abducted children who are hidden away from the world for the pleasure of their captors is alarming. The reasons these children stay are hard to fathom and understand by those who do not know the details. As parents we teach, train, and educate our children, however, can we protect them from the shadows we don't understand ourselves?
Most of us are quick to judge and criticize others, always looking for the mistakes and ignoring the right choices parents make. We all gossip and when we do we rarely talk about the positive aspects of others. We want to regale the mistakes our peers make and downplay their successes. We want to rant, complain, and give advice - we don't want solutions to our problems we want to win the complaint contest, recognition, and rationalization of our fears. After all, is there any fear greater than loss?
The North American voter is plagued by fear, it effects every decision we make and what we believe to be truth. We see danger for our children everywhere we look, under every rock, around every corner and as a result we are raising a generation of fearful adults. Children no longer feel safe playing outside, what this will do in the long run is yet to be seen. I had a neighbour who saw danger in everything, she was constantly telling her girls, "danger danger." I am sure she viewed me as an unfit parent because I let my son get cuts and bruises to learn caution on his own. They moved away so I don't know if the girls see danger in every concrete stair, in every height, or every dog. I do know my son is cautious and knows his limitations without me telling him. I've always let him make choices and learn lessons from natural consequences, when not life threatening.
One lesson I don't want him learning on his own is how to stay safe from pedophiles and abductors. Instead of letting him learn safe limits through experience, I use small limitations and hypothetical situations to help him problem solve. I ask him questions about what he'd do in certain scenarios and help him come up with viable solutions. I ensure he knows which houses are safe, what numbers to call, and more importantly what his limitations are. Like every child most of his answers are fantasy and unrealistic. Its important he realize that he can't beat up an adult, he can and should try but his size makes it impossible that he'll succeed. He needs to know what to yell out, where to go, how to stay safe, and how to not be chosen as a target.
I am not naive, I know that regardless of what I do there is still a chance that he could get hurt in this dangerous world, so I pray. I pray that God would send his angels to surround my children and wrap their wings around them keeping them safe. There are lots of websites that tell parents how to keep their kids safe, all of them agree that communication is key to keeping kids safe. The worst thing a parent can fear is talking to their child about the hard topics, the uncomfortable topics, the taboo topics.
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