I never really thought about how a family ends up out on the streets but I've been thinking about it lately. I've been out of work for a year now, and out of Employment Benefits for 3 months, my bank account is in a negative balance and I am unable to pay even the minimum balance on my credit cards. I have no way of putting gas in the car or even buying a bus ticket. I have absolutely no income.
I am so frustrated at how hard its been to find a position that works for me and my family. When I look back at my job search and the types of jobs that I should have taken I am filled with regret. Especially when I can't even afford to put my kids in extra curricular activities. I feel guilty my kids friends are off to after school activities and I can't afford something as cheap as Brownies.
Thankfully I am married to a wonderful man who is gainfully employed at the moment. However, if for some reason the economy takes a turn for the worst and he finds himself on unemployment insurance we will loose everything and be out on the street.
But for the Grace of God go I..... Without my husband's income we'd be on the street starving to death. The sad thing is that there are too many families on the street unable to afford housing, food, or things for their children. There are too many who are employed but can't afford the high prices of rent or food. Not everyone on the street is there because of drug or alcohol addiction, some just can't afford to be anywhere else.
We throw a can of food into the food bank bin, we toss some coins at charities assuming they are handling the situation. We don't see the homeless families so we assume they aren't there. We go through our life thinking that its someone else's problem, but tomorrow it could be ours.
Homelessness - But for the Grace of God Go I....
Should Kids Play with Kids Older than Them?
My friend's daughter, who is 8, is spending a lot of time with girls who are 12 years old. She's torn about how to handle the situation.
In one respect her little girl is getting a boost to her self esteem because the older girls keep complimenting her and teach her new cheer leading moves. On the other hand she is neglecting friends her age and hurting her relationships with her peers.
I had a similar situation with my son earlier this year when he was hanging out with a boy 5 years older. It was much easier for me to say that they couldn't hang out because they didn't go to school together. Its harder for my friend because her daughter is at the same school as her older friends and plays with them every chance she can. By ignoring her peers on the playground in favor of older friends she is damaging her friendships with peers. For example my daughter thought they weren't friends anymore because she (the 8 yr old) was always running off to find her older friends.
I can understand how cool it feels for a younger child when older kids pay attention to them. However, its not good for younger children to always be with children years older than them. Older children are going through things younger children can't comprehend, nor should they. Can children form real friendships with children 4-5 years older than them? As siblings possibly over time but as school mates, I'm not so sure.
In Calgary the schools are divided more then the schools in BC. In Calgary my children couldn't go to the same school because of the way they are divided: Grade K-4, 5-7, 8-10, and 11-12. In BC they are in the same school: Grade K-7, 8-12. I don't like the way younger kids are put onto the playground with older kids and I certainly don't like it when grade 8 girls are hanging around grade 12 boys.
In my girlfriend's case I can see how this friendship gives her little girl confidence but I believe it should be monitored and limited so that better friendships with peers have a chance to grow.
Sibling Rivalry - Don't Let it Be the Norm in Your Home
I hear parents talking about their kids fighting like its a right of passage, a badge of honor, something that is natural, something to be proud of. They are more concerned about how the fighting effects them instead of how it is effecting the sibling’s relationship. If parents truly want their children to get along and be lifelong friends then it is up to them to ensure it happens. It comes down to the parent to figure out why their children can't get along and that takes effort, time, communication, conflict management, and a bit of psychology.
If a child is about to become a sibling, now is the time to start educating them on the realities of being a big brother or sister. Forget the fluff, after all, the baby won't be a playmate for awhile and will take a lot of mommy's attention and energy for the first few months. You need to figure out ways that the older child can help care for the new baby by giving them responsibility and communicate your expectations. As an older sibling they are responsible for helping care for and teach the younger sibling. Above all though, make sure you make time for the older sibling. Special mommy and son/daughter time will go a long way to help quench feelings of resentment. Elicit your spouse to step up and take on a more involved role with the older child, father and son/daughter time will help them develop a stronger relationship and make the older child feel special because they can do stuff the baby can't. Ask grandparents and friends to take an active interest in the older child and not just coo over the baby. Have the older child introduce his/her new sibling to friends and family thereby ensuring he/she feels like part of the process. Building a close sibling relationship starts at conception and by involving the older child with a responsible role.
If your children are a little older make sure you don't step in between them too much. It's always tempting to solve their fights or champion the one you see as being the underdog. When younger children start to fight just separate them, it’s probably time for them to have some alone time anyway. If they are fighting over a toy, just take the toy away - if they can't share it then neither gets it. By not taking one child's side over the other you ensure that both are treated equal - favoritism or perceived favoritism is the root of sibling rivalry. Once separated young children usually settle down and are ready to play again. You don't have to put them on time out and punish them - just send them to their corners or rooms to cool off and play by themselves for a little while. They will come out and start playing again on their own when they are ready. Younger children learn from natural consequences rather than elaborate teaching concepts like time outs to solve conflict.
When kids are older and can communicate how they feel or what they think, its time for the parents to listen. If they are fighting, separate them into separate rooms, give them time to calm down and then talk with each of them one on one. Just make sure that you aren't always talking to one child first all the time. Listen to what each of them says and ask them leading questions to help them see things from the other child's perspective. Ask questions to help them see how they contributed to the problem and how they can solve the issue. Don't let them get away with self-pity, which leads to unrealistic and untrue conclusions. Call them on lies and help them to understand reality. As children get older parents can utilize communication skills to put each child into each other’s shoes and come up with their own solutions.
Sibling rivalry is not a necessary right of passage. Families can find harmony in each other if they listen and find common ground. Discipline has its place in raising children but it doesn’t belong as a solution to sibling rivalry. Bring children closer by increasing their responsibility for each other, encouraging communication, focusing on common interests and celebrating differences. I believe that with a little work and some communication any family can avoid sibling rivalry and develop close sibling bonds.
Prayer - Does it Matter? Does it Work? Why Bother?
Ever feel like your prayers fall on deaf ears, that its just a waste of time? I've been there, heck I'm there. Life has a way of throwing you curve balls that cause you to strike out. Ever feel bone tired but unable to sleep? Drained of all emotion and left feeling lost wanting to give up? Ever wonder if God really cares?
Everyone of us has a sob story, a feel sorry for ourselves, all out no one loves me type of story. We pray and believe that our prayers have fallen on deaf ears or worse they've been heard but God just doesn't care.
We watch the news and believe that the world is the worst it has ever been and it can't get any worse. When in reality its better in so many ways then when the Romans ruled the known world, then when Genghis Khan ran rampant throughout central Asia. We forget how terrifying the inquisition was, or what the common person went through during the dark ages. We forget how dehumanizing and violent hand to hand combat was compared to today's impersonal killing from a distance.
When things are going terribly wrong for us, when we can't find solace in our prayers we forget when our prayers were answered. We forget what we are asking for, we forget to look deep inside ourselves to find some sort of answer. We only want the response that we seek, we do not seek the response that is given. To often we miss the answer because we are too stuck, too busy, too self centered to see what is right in front of us.
How often do we get bogged down in the troubles of today, only to forget the glory of yesterday or the promise of tomorrow? I try hard to focus on my blessings, but too often I forget about them because I am focused on what I want.
Too often we see the trials others go through and pray that God would heal, provide, or "fix". All we see is that God is not answering our prayer and the person continues to suffer. We don't understand what is going on behind the scenes, the global or spiritual implications - but God does.
Today was difficult, but is that God's fault or mine? As hard as it is for me to admit it, I have to say mine. I made choices that resulted in consequences I didn't foresee or want. I didn't ask the questions that would have provided me the necessary answers to make better decisions. Should God fix it? Should I expect that he'll step in and take away the consequences, just because I asked him too? Can God change my DNA so that life will be easier, different, better? I thought about how unappreciated I felt today and how my kids and my husband hurt me. Is it so different for God when we don't appreciate what he has done for us, how he made us, or how he answers us? Maybe some prayers are best left unanswered.
A New System to Motivate the Kids to Help Out Around the House....
I am constantly trying new ways to get the kids to help out without it becoming a huge fight. Every time I start a new system the kids get motivated for a day.... Hopefully this new system will work.
Both kids want to go somewhere - My daughter wants to go to the water slides and my son wants to go to Seattle. I was so pissed off at them yesterday I decided I wasn't doing anything nice for them until they started helping out. So I created a points system.
If they do some work around the house they get a point.
If they do it without being asked they get another point.
If they do a bigger job the get an extra point.
If they do what they are told they get a point.
In order to go to their place of choice they need to collect 40 points each. I will not be doling out money or driving them anywhere without enough points.
I'm not sure how long this will last... hopefully longer then the marbles idea.
God grant me Patience the Summer.... Getting the kids Outside is a War of Wills
Trying to get my kids to go outside is resulting in a lot of screaming, removal of privledges, threats, and hair pulling. I'm not feeling good because I've had the stomach flu so my irritability is high and my tolerance is low.
Despite being jumped on, covers ripped off, screamed at my son didn't get out of bed until noon then promptly came down and demanded breakfast. No food for big boys who can't get out of bed in time - He had to find his own food.
My daughter was given a limited amount of time to play video games since she'd just spent 3 weeks at the cabin with no electronics. An hour after deadline and me screaming at her I finally had to threaten canceling a trip to the Cultus Lake waterslides.
I am a busy person, just like every mother and need my kids to listen without me strong arming them and beating them to a pulp. In between watering gardens, applying for work, working on my own business, and trying to clean the kitchen I have to remind them to do what they were told, over and over again.
Why do transitions have to be so hard for my kids? It takes 3 times as long as it should for them to go from one activity to another or to get ready to leave the house. It's not like their babies or toddlers and need me to dress them and get them ready, but they still need me to stand over them and give them step by step instructions just to get out the door.
God please grant me some patience today and take away this irratibility so that I can get through today without creating a war zone with my children. - Amen.
A Prayer for My Children
While unpacking and going through stuff I found a prayer for my children I had written about 6 years ago. Looking back at the last 6 years I would say that it has been answered and its time to pray these words again as my son is quickly coming upon the dreaded teen years. I prayed these words daily for a time and although God has answered this prayer I hope that by taking up these words again he'll continue to answer it.
Lord,
I ask you to give both (my son and daughter) wisdom. Tune their ears to wisdom and their concentration to understanding. Inspire them to search it out as they would lost money or hidden treasure, so they will understand what it means to fear you Lord and gain knowledge of you. For only you grant wisdom and from your mouth comes knowledge and understanding. Grant them good sense, or common sense, and be their shield protecting them as they walk with integrity. Give them understanding for what is right, just and fair, so that they can find the right course of action every time. Allow wisdom to enter their hearts with Joy. For wise planning will watch over them and understanding will keep them safe.
Lord, I ask that you will give them an understanding mind so they will know right from wrong, as you gave to Soloman, but also give them the courage to put it into action. Lord, may they listen to the teachings of (my husband) and I, may it crown them in grace and clothe them in honour.
Lord, pour out the spirit of wisdom upon them and make them wise. It was by your wisdom, oh Lord, that you founded the earth, by your understanding you established the heavens and by your knowledge the deep fountains of the earth burst forth and the clouds poured down rain. The profit of wisdom is better than silver and her wages are better than gold. These things I pray for my children.
Lord help them to learn to be wise and develop good judgement. Lord I plead that wisdom will cry out to them and they will hear her raising voice. May the welcome her and all that comes with her. May they see her value above that of gold, silver, and rubies. May it multiply their days and add years to their Lives. Lord, there is no greater gift than that of your wisdom. If you are only to give them one gift may it be that of wisdom and the courage to act upon it. - Amen.
As I copy this I realize how convoluted and formal it sounds. When I wrote it down 6 years ago I was studying prayers of the Old Testament and have recommitted my self to studying prayer recently so it is fitting that I copy this prayer at this time.
Six years ago, seems like such a long time ago and so much has changed since. I am not as satisfied or content as I was, then again at the time I focused more on my daily blessings then what I was lacking. I wasn't distracted by the TV or the Internet, I was focused on reading and studying the Bible from cover to cover. Maybe its time I recommitted myself to learning and study and turned off the distractions and have quiet in the house. Now if I could just get the crows to be quiet....
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