Doctor's Orders

I just got back from a day at the doctor's office. I was waiting to get my blood test results, which came back negative - no diabetes or thyroid issues for this girl. After 3 hours in the waiting room I finally got to see the doc for my clean bill of health. So why can't I loose weight?

Hot Yoga isn't the right exercise for loosing weight according to the doc. He perscribed cardio, weights, a personal trainer and a friend to exercise with. Money and friends.... two things I'm a little short on at the moment.

My UI cheques are just covering the kids activities, school and grocery bills. Being new to the area, I haven't met too many people yet and those that I have I don't feel close enough to ask them to join a gym with me. Not many stay at home mom's have cash kicking around for extras like gym memberships - or the time to go for that matter.

I think there must be more to it though. Everytime I start loosing or start getting on track my husband or mother will say something to push me on or encourage me to step it up more and I stop dead in my tracks. I'll eat good for a few days then its nothing but junk food for a day then back to eating well for a couple days.

What I can't understand is why do I want to be fat? What is it about a size 18 body that has me so comfortable I keep choosing to keep it? Why am I scared of the image I have of myself thin and confident? Why does the idea of being thin and going back to work wear me down to fatigue? If I figure out that then maybe just maybe I can back into a size 10.